It went into gestation, delivery, nursing, sleepless nights and lots of floor pacing, that's where!!
It is official, I am the mother of a daughter. A six week old daughter, to be exact! It is amazing how your life can zip by you when you have 5 kids. So far this is the greatest change that I have noticed. Time is faster with 5 kids. And harder to hold on to.
So to back up a bit, our little daughter, Carolyn Rose, was born on April 16. She was 10 pounds and 4 ounces, and about 22 inches long. She was a big girl! Not our biggest though, so she doesn't have to carry that reputation around. That one firmly belongs to our 10 pound, 11 ounce third son. Second in line is son number four, at 10 pounds, 9 ounces.
Having a girl is such a precious thing. She is so pink and sweet, and oh, the bloomers!!! (I know, what is it with me and the bloomers?) She has tiny precious little feet, and tiny precious little ears, and she is every inch a lady.
My boys just love her to death. They are so sweet with her, and they have already told me more than once that she is "softening them up" just as I predicted she would! They aren't too soft, though. They still smell like sweat and feet most of the time, and they still wrestle like bear cubs in the living room. All is well in our mostly boy household.
This brings me to the question, do I still have a bucketload of boys? Yes, I do!!! Enough so that people are still shocked when they see a girl in tow. The next question is always, "Well, you finally got a girl. So I guess you are done now?"
I am trying to take that question with a sense of humor. But it leads me to wonder, did they think I only had 4 boys because I was still trying for a daughter? Do people really do that? I guess some do. We've heard some people put this mind set this way: A girl for me, a boy for you, and praise the Lord! Now we're through!!
We haven't gotten to the point where we feel we are "through". I think we both believe that God will let us know when we are done. For now, I am focusing on where I am, not where I may be in the future.
And where I am is knee deep in boys, and ankle deep in girl! And I love it. It is busy, it is sometimes crazy, I am tired but happy every night, and it is great. This life I live is sometimes really hard, but ALWAYS a blessing, even when I feel like pulling out my hair! Thankfully that doesn't happen very often, and I have a lot of hair! =)
More to come soon, whenever I get another newborn-free moment!!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
7 Weeks To Go, and I Am Losing My Everlovin' Mind
Nesting. It is a beautiful thing, no? It can cause us to accomplish tasks that we have been putting off for months, to have strokes of genius to finally solve that one nagging organizational problem, or to work tirelessly day and night to create a beautiful, clean home.
Unfortunately, it can also make you a stark, raving lunatic, who terrorizes all around her. This is where I and my family are living right now. I look around and I am obsessed with finally accomplishing all the projects, cleaning and organization that I have been too busy and tired to accomplish. I wake up thinking about what a mess my home is, and how I am going to go crazy if I don't get it all done NOW!!!
My poor children have been helping me in a kind of fearful, let's-do-it-before-mommy-goes- postal-on-us kind of way. I have been trying to thank them as often as I can, just to balance out my insanity. Hopefully it is working, because I don't see this instinct backing off any time soon.
My faithful friend and sister, Beth-Ann finally gave me the official diagnosis today. I am nesting. I sort of knew that, but to hear someone else say it made it official. I am 7 weeks away from delivering this little bundle of joy, and all I can do is think about curtains in the office, and removing the sliding doors from the closet to be replaced with curtains on a tension rod. If those closet doors fall off the track one more time, I may have to completely lose it!! (They are currently one on, one off. Gaaaaahhhhhhh!!)
Obviously I am a hormonal wreck. But I have been here before. 4 times before, to be exact. And we have all survived it before. We will again, I feel sure.
So, in addition to making my family insane, I am spending mental time trying to figure out where to put this child. We have 4 boys in one bedroom, and an office/school room to choose from. Right now I am waiting for someone to come pick up our two school desks to make room for a pack and play in the school room. That will probably have to serve as her room for a while, at least until we sell our home and move!
I am also trying to prepare myself for the possibility that they made a mistake, and this is really NOT a girl! We are prepared with stuff either way, so it will be fine. I just need to put my heart in the right place. I am making sure that my heart is ready for either eventuality. On the one hand, I end up with a daughter, and this is a tremendous blessing. On the other hand, I end up a mother of 5 boys. This is a stunning prospect. Dizzying, in fact.
So, daily I tell myself, this could be a boy. I don't want to be crying in disappointment over my newborn, beautiful baby! I also don't want to get my heart set on being that mom of 5 boys, and take my eyes off of what a blessing a little lady would be. It is a fine, delicate tightrope I am walking.
What I know for sure is that all babies are a blessing! And I will take one look at this baby and fall head over heels in love just like I did in the past with my four other blessings. As for the beautiful, pink clothing that we have piling up for our baby, well, I'll just have to have my husband return it all if this is a boy! Those ruffly, sweet little pink things would sure be hard to say good-bye to!! The people at the store don't need me there, crying my eyes out as I hand over all the cute bloomers! We may just have to make our son wear bloomers if this is a boy. I have come to believe, we haven't lived until we have had a kid in bloomers.
(I won't really do that by the way. Please don't send CPS after me!!!)
Unfortunately, it can also make you a stark, raving lunatic, who terrorizes all around her. This is where I and my family are living right now. I look around and I am obsessed with finally accomplishing all the projects, cleaning and organization that I have been too busy and tired to accomplish. I wake up thinking about what a mess my home is, and how I am going to go crazy if I don't get it all done NOW!!!
My poor children have been helping me in a kind of fearful, let's-do-it-before-mommy-goes- postal-on-us kind of way. I have been trying to thank them as often as I can, just to balance out my insanity. Hopefully it is working, because I don't see this instinct backing off any time soon.
My faithful friend and sister, Beth-Ann finally gave me the official diagnosis today. I am nesting. I sort of knew that, but to hear someone else say it made it official. I am 7 weeks away from delivering this little bundle of joy, and all I can do is think about curtains in the office, and removing the sliding doors from the closet to be replaced with curtains on a tension rod. If those closet doors fall off the track one more time, I may have to completely lose it!! (They are currently one on, one off. Gaaaaahhhhhhh!!)
Obviously I am a hormonal wreck. But I have been here before. 4 times before, to be exact. And we have all survived it before. We will again, I feel sure.
So, in addition to making my family insane, I am spending mental time trying to figure out where to put this child. We have 4 boys in one bedroom, and an office/school room to choose from. Right now I am waiting for someone to come pick up our two school desks to make room for a pack and play in the school room. That will probably have to serve as her room for a while, at least until we sell our home and move!
I am also trying to prepare myself for the possibility that they made a mistake, and this is really NOT a girl! We are prepared with stuff either way, so it will be fine. I just need to put my heart in the right place. I am making sure that my heart is ready for either eventuality. On the one hand, I end up with a daughter, and this is a tremendous blessing. On the other hand, I end up a mother of 5 boys. This is a stunning prospect. Dizzying, in fact.
So, daily I tell myself, this could be a boy. I don't want to be crying in disappointment over my newborn, beautiful baby! I also don't want to get my heart set on being that mom of 5 boys, and take my eyes off of what a blessing a little lady would be. It is a fine, delicate tightrope I am walking.
What I know for sure is that all babies are a blessing! And I will take one look at this baby and fall head over heels in love just like I did in the past with my four other blessings. As for the beautiful, pink clothing that we have piling up for our baby, well, I'll just have to have my husband return it all if this is a boy! Those ruffly, sweet little pink things would sure be hard to say good-bye to!! The people at the store don't need me there, crying my eyes out as I hand over all the cute bloomers! We may just have to make our son wear bloomers if this is a boy. I have come to believe, we haven't lived until we have had a kid in bloomers.
(I won't really do that by the way. Please don't send CPS after me!!!)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
The Crazy Things I Am Thinking
As we are counting down the days until our daughter's arrival, I am becoming more and more obsessed about one thing: I need to become a girl again. If I am going to raise a young woman, yikes, I need to remember how to be one!
What does this mean to me? Well, for one thing, dark roots are no longer acceptable. I wake up every day looking at my blondish, brownish, whitish hair and think, I have to fix this before she is born so that she won't ever see me with unkempt hair.
Realistically, is this going to be the last time my roots will get out of control? Highly unlikely! Especially as we approach child number 5. It isn't going to be any easier to slip away for a hair cut!
Secondly, this means that I am going to need to lose all my weight and achieve the body I have always dreamed of having. Otherwise I am going to doom this little girl to a life of body image struggles and obesity!! Crazy, yes I know. I would love to achieve my goal weight, but I recognize that I could give her just as much of a body image problem if I obsess about being skinny!
Lastly, I can never again be loud and raucous, whooping it up with the boys. I need to create the gentle, quiet exterior I have always wanted. I must be Victorian in my dress, sip tea quietly with my finger in the air, and possibly adopt a British accent to make myself seem more lady-like and proper.
Okay, folks, this is crazy. I recognize this. God designed me to be who I am. I can work to better myself, sure, but this little girl does not need me to fully fix myself in the next 12 weeks. She was given to me by God to raise as the mom I am, and as the mom I will become over the years. I just need to chill out.
Hopefully, all my years as a mom of boys will not make me ill equipped to be a mom of a girl. I think she is going to have a LOT to teach all of us!
What does this mean to me? Well, for one thing, dark roots are no longer acceptable. I wake up every day looking at my blondish, brownish, whitish hair and think, I have to fix this before she is born so that she won't ever see me with unkempt hair.
Realistically, is this going to be the last time my roots will get out of control? Highly unlikely! Especially as we approach child number 5. It isn't going to be any easier to slip away for a hair cut!
Secondly, this means that I am going to need to lose all my weight and achieve the body I have always dreamed of having. Otherwise I am going to doom this little girl to a life of body image struggles and obesity!! Crazy, yes I know. I would love to achieve my goal weight, but I recognize that I could give her just as much of a body image problem if I obsess about being skinny!
Lastly, I can never again be loud and raucous, whooping it up with the boys. I need to create the gentle, quiet exterior I have always wanted. I must be Victorian in my dress, sip tea quietly with my finger in the air, and possibly adopt a British accent to make myself seem more lady-like and proper.
Okay, folks, this is crazy. I recognize this. God designed me to be who I am. I can work to better myself, sure, but this little girl does not need me to fully fix myself in the next 12 weeks. She was given to me by God to raise as the mom I am, and as the mom I will become over the years. I just need to chill out.
Hopefully, all my years as a mom of boys will not make me ill equipped to be a mom of a girl. I think she is going to have a LOT to teach all of us!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Christmas Has Come and Gone
I just realized it has been over a month since I posted anything. Admittedly, it is the busiest month of the year, so I will cut myself some slack.
I spent the last month growing larger. My stomach is quite, um, out there now, but that is okay. I know that at 24 weeks, I am just at the beginning of the hugeness. I have a plan to spend the last trimester sugar free, so I pray this time my baby can be under 10 1/2 pounds. Until then, I will enjoy my chocolates of the world that my beloved husband blessed me with this Christmas. Man, the Swiss, Italians, Canadians, Belgians and Spanish sure can make some yummy chocolate.
Yet, today, I just craved a good old fashioned American Snickers bar. We love what we know the best, don't we?
So, here we are, 6 weeks into our knowledge of our baby's girlhood, and it is sinking in. We were blessed earlier this month with a TON of clothing from a friend, and it was really fun to go through and ooooo and aaaaaahhhhh over.
Still, there is a part of me that says, "they could be wrong." There is also a part of many other people that needs to remind me of that frequently. So, this week, I am sorting out our baby clothing and boxing it up to mail to my sister-in-law for her new baby boy. And to hand over to my lovely friend who is having her first boy after 4 girls. My plan, however, is to hold on to these things until we either have another ultrasound, or we give birth to a daughter. Upon confirmation of the female gender, I will gladly relinquish control of the blue clothing and bring in the boxes of pink sweetness.
Part of the reason I have not been blogging, truthfully, is that I am STILL so nauseous so much of the time. As we speak, I am feeling very green around the gills. Gotta go lay down now. More later when my guts aren't churning. Ugh.
I spent the last month growing larger. My stomach is quite, um, out there now, but that is okay. I know that at 24 weeks, I am just at the beginning of the hugeness. I have a plan to spend the last trimester sugar free, so I pray this time my baby can be under 10 1/2 pounds. Until then, I will enjoy my chocolates of the world that my beloved husband blessed me with this Christmas. Man, the Swiss, Italians, Canadians, Belgians and Spanish sure can make some yummy chocolate.
Yet, today, I just craved a good old fashioned American Snickers bar. We love what we know the best, don't we?
So, here we are, 6 weeks into our knowledge of our baby's girlhood, and it is sinking in. We were blessed earlier this month with a TON of clothing from a friend, and it was really fun to go through and ooooo and aaaaaahhhhh over.
Still, there is a part of me that says, "they could be wrong." There is also a part of many other people that needs to remind me of that frequently. So, this week, I am sorting out our baby clothing and boxing it up to mail to my sister-in-law for her new baby boy. And to hand over to my lovely friend who is having her first boy after 4 girls. My plan, however, is to hold on to these things until we either have another ultrasound, or we give birth to a daughter. Upon confirmation of the female gender, I will gladly relinquish control of the blue clothing and bring in the boxes of pink sweetness.
Part of the reason I have not been blogging, truthfully, is that I am STILL so nauseous so much of the time. As we speak, I am feeling very green around the gills. Gotta go lay down now. More later when my guts aren't churning. Ugh.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Shifting Paradigms
I am still in shock, two days later. I am having a daughter. We are calling it "she" now. Wow.
Just a quick little check in. I went to Costco this week, and Jeff held up a size 4T pink, soft, Minnie Mouse covered jacket with flowers and leaves on it. It was girly. It was sweet. And I burst into tears in the middle of Costco. Thanks a lot, honey!!!
So, here is my latest realization. We, in this house, will have baby dolls. With pink clothes. Pink blankets. Barbies. Princess stuff. This is enough to make me sit down heavily and stare off into space for over an hour at a time.
Well, right now I am off to make rolls for dinner, so I can't space out quite yet. We have already been telling the boys things like "Well, you'd better get used to it," when they say "Ewwwww" to all the above mentioned girly paraphernalia.
We all have to . Mostly I am trying to get used to their being another girl in the house for Jeff to fall in love with. Honestly, I have struggled with this a bit. I guess I have enjoyed being his only princess.
I suppose now I get promoted to queen, huh? Hey, I can handle that!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Everything Changes
I know a few things for certain. I mean REALLY for certain, like, you could stake your life on them. I know my husband loves me and only me. I know that Jesus truly lived and breathed, died, rose from the dead, and has saved me from my sin. And I know that God intended me to be a mommy of boys.
For as long as I can remember, I have cared for boys. In college, God prepared me for my life by allowing me to be a nanny to twin boys. Those boys felt like my own kids sometimes. I just love the laid back, take life as it comes nature of boys. I love the rough and tumble. I love the noise and the boisterousness. They are a unique breed, and I am so honored to be trusted with these future men.
So, why is it that today, at the doctors office, looking at an ultrasound, there were no boy parts? There was nothing where the boy parts are supposed to be! And when the tech (and another tech who came in for a backup opinion) looked closely, she saw girl parts? Girl parts. On a child inside MY body.
Girl parts.
I'm numb. I'm shocked. I'm stunned. And yet, I'm not. This is the only baby that has actually caused me to vomit. I have never vomited before, and especially not AFTER 16 weeks pregnant. I have been more tired, more emotional, more sick than ever before. Is this due to an overload of estrogen? Could be. Still, I am shocked.
It doesn't help that the techs both said they were about 75% sure that they were right, since the baby was using its (her?) modesty and keeping the private parts private. Still, they took a photo, and there was no scrotum, no penis, no nothing. Just very girly looking parts. Neither Jeff nor I feels 100% that we are having a girl, yet we clearly saw a distinct lack of protruding parts.
Maybe it is just shock that keeps us from fully embracing this news. I feel like when it finally hits me, I am going to cry. I just saw a picture of a baby girl wearing a beautiful dress and a head band, and I almost lost it. I almost let myself accept this.
Still, what does this do to the bucket I live in? Well, it is still a bucketload of boys. This has not changed. A daughter will not change the fact that God intended me to be a mother of many boys.
It just appears that He also intended me to be a mother to a daughter.
Oh, here come the tears. I am going to need some time to really take this in. This is quite a loop that motherhood is throwing me for. I am not sad, just shocked. Scared. Wanting to be excited, yet not sure that I should be just yet.
Well, if this is true, and if all goes well, we should be holding Carolyn Rose in our arms in about 5 months or so. There, I said it.
Until then, I'll be breathing, breathing, breathing. And learning how to play dolls again. And thinking pink and lacey.
Oh my goodness. This is huge. I am going to go and ponder for a while. Something this enormous is going to need time to sink in. I'll check back in soon.
For as long as I can remember, I have cared for boys. In college, God prepared me for my life by allowing me to be a nanny to twin boys. Those boys felt like my own kids sometimes. I just love the laid back, take life as it comes nature of boys. I love the rough and tumble. I love the noise and the boisterousness. They are a unique breed, and I am so honored to be trusted with these future men.
So, why is it that today, at the doctors office, looking at an ultrasound, there were no boy parts? There was nothing where the boy parts are supposed to be! And when the tech (and another tech who came in for a backup opinion) looked closely, she saw girl parts? Girl parts. On a child inside MY body.
Girl parts.
I'm numb. I'm shocked. I'm stunned. And yet, I'm not. This is the only baby that has actually caused me to vomit. I have never vomited before, and especially not AFTER 16 weeks pregnant. I have been more tired, more emotional, more sick than ever before. Is this due to an overload of estrogen? Could be. Still, I am shocked.
It doesn't help that the techs both said they were about 75% sure that they were right, since the baby was using its (her?) modesty and keeping the private parts private. Still, they took a photo, and there was no scrotum, no penis, no nothing. Just very girly looking parts. Neither Jeff nor I feels 100% that we are having a girl, yet we clearly saw a distinct lack of protruding parts.
Maybe it is just shock that keeps us from fully embracing this news. I feel like when it finally hits me, I am going to cry. I just saw a picture of a baby girl wearing a beautiful dress and a head band, and I almost lost it. I almost let myself accept this.
Still, what does this do to the bucket I live in? Well, it is still a bucketload of boys. This has not changed. A daughter will not change the fact that God intended me to be a mother of many boys.
It just appears that He also intended me to be a mother to a daughter.
Oh, here come the tears. I am going to need some time to really take this in. This is quite a loop that motherhood is throwing me for. I am not sad, just shocked. Scared. Wanting to be excited, yet not sure that I should be just yet.
Well, if this is true, and if all goes well, we should be holding Carolyn Rose in our arms in about 5 months or so. There, I said it.
Until then, I'll be breathing, breathing, breathing. And learning how to play dolls again. And thinking pink and lacey.
Oh my goodness. This is huge. I am going to go and ponder for a while. Something this enormous is going to need time to sink in. I'll check back in soon.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
The Face of Desperation
This is the face that plagued my morning. My husband went off to a men's breakfast this morning at church, totally at my bidding. I really wanted him to enjoy some man time, and not with men of the pint-sized variety. This left me to do Jeff's daily job. Make breakfast.
Being that today is Saturday, it is pancake morning. So, not wanting to throw off any one's rhythm, I began making pancakes. I must start off by saying, I can cook many things very well, but pancakes are not one of them. Jeff makes the most killer pancakes ever. Oh, well, if they want to eat, they'll have to eat my meager attempts.
Our precious little toddler/terror Tobe was in the kitchen with me, and he woke up with a massive hunger. This is nothing new. So, I assured him I would be making his pancakes and getting him some food soon.
Our oldest, Jeffery, had expressed to me that Daddy always lets them have a handful of whatever chocolate he happens to be putting in the pancakes that morning. Today, it was mini M&M's and blueberries, so I chose not to break with tradition. I gave each boy a few of the little candies to enjoy while I flipped breakfast. I should have known this was a terrible idea.
Since two summers ago in Branson, MO, we have known of Tobe's problem with sweets. He can't have a little. When he has a little, he wants MORE MORE MORE. And he is quite vocal about it.
This morning I made pancakes to the dulcet tones of my boy screaming "MO TAWKAT!!"over and over again. Then it changed to "MO PANKAY!!!" as he saw the pancakes stacking up on the plate. Eventually, time out took over, and I had a moment of peace as he shouted at the walls in his room. Once he returned, it began again.
How can I blame the kid? How many times has my heart shouted out "More Chocolate!" even when my external facade looked calm and serene? If I can say anything about this boy, it is that he is a product of his genes AND his environment. He comes from a "TAWKAT" loving family. We have created a monster.
Just look at his pitiful little face! Just look at the desperation in his eyes. Where are the pancakes? Where is the chocolate? Why is his horrible mother withholding such wonderful bliss from him?
Now, I am happy to say, all is well. He is adequately full and happy, and is currently watching Wishbone with his brothers. I have succeeded in making breakfast, and everyone is content.
Now I need a nap from dealing with the screaming wild man all morning! My husband gets off work in about 11 hours or so, not too long from now! My nap will come. And probably a few more time outs between now and then!!!
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