The Incredible Shape-Shifting Boy

My 8 year old is amazing. While you may look at him and see a sweet, blonde haird, blue-eyed, average little boy, in reality, he is........well.........it varies from day to day. At the start of every day, this beautiful boy emerges from the living room, meets me at my bed, or wherever I happen to be at the time, and announces to me what he is that day.

Probably my most favorite of all of his alter egos is "Super-Sharp Thornbush Man." It was my favorite because he made this noise like spikes flying out of something metal, and I swear I could see his thorns popping out. Very scary, indeed.

This morning he sat down on my bed and said, "Hi, momma."

To which I replied, "Hi!"

Then I could see it coming. The wide eyed, patient expression on his face that told me to buckle in because I was about to find out today's identity. And then it came. "You know what I am?"

"What are you?"

"A Ghoul."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, and I have dark blue skin, red zombie eyes, a bright yellow mouth, with a Grim Reaper hat and cloak with dark blue zombie hands. I have dark blue feet with toenails as sharp as vampire fangs and they are as long as my pointer finger but curved."

"How do you walk?" I asked.

"I claw the ground or I float!"

What else could I say? "Um, wow!"

For those of you who are NOT boys, does this strike you as a little odd? Well, it used to with me, but after several years of seeing him capably exist in our world with all of his "other identities" I am convinced that he is able to pull this double life off beautifully. Don't worry.

What concerns me is this: Why can't he be a something a little less violent? Or scary? Or mean? I am raising my sons in the church. I don't let them watch scary movies or TV. We talk about heros in history and from the Bible. So why isn't he pretending to be one of those?

I think the answer lies in the fact that he possesses a Y chromosome. They tend toward rough, violent, war related things. What I need to do is embrace my inner little boy, and just make our history and Bible sound rough, violent and war related. It really isn't hard to do when we are talking about the Old Testament!! There are plenty of battles and war to choose from.

So this will be my next goal in parenting. Make the Bible sound more violent!! I'm not sure this is my most lofty goal ever, but my son with blue skin and finger-long toenails is not a picture I want to dwell on for very long!!! My only concern is that if I do this, he might approach me one morning and say, "Hey momma. Guess who I am?"

To which I will reply, "Who?" because I am a well trained monkey after all these years.

I have no doubt it will be something like this: "I am a huge giant Philistine and I am coming to kill all the puny Isrealites with my giant club and sword."

Sigh. Where am I going wrong? Somehow the good guy isn't as exciting as the bad guy to these boys. I'm going to work on that!!!

As James Dobson said, even if you refuse to give a boy a toy gun, he will find a way to make one out of something. It is in the nature of a kid to want to be rough and have weapons. Heaven help the mommy who raises these little warmongers!!!!