Prayers are Amazing!

Wow, since last I wrote, God has seen fit to answer my fervently typed prayer from the previous blog: I am pregnant. This is a lot to take in, even if I prayed for it to be true.

Just for a little history lesson, I have been pregnant 5 times before this. My first pregnancy was just a few months into my marriage, and we were shocked and excited. 2 months later it was all over. We were devastated and broken hearted. Our baby was gone, we were grieving, and we didn't know what to do.

2 months later, another positive pregnancy test. Needless to say, we were stunned and scared to death. It was the beginning of my battle with fear over the well-being of my children, and the beginning of my learning years. Learning to trust God with the most precious things to me on earth, learning that even if He chooses to take them away from me, I can still trust Him. I am still working on that last one. It may be true, but it doesn't make it easy to believe and live out. I'm just pleased that now I am at least convinced it is true!

Fast forward nine months, and along came son #1. Then 8 months later, another positive pregnancy test. 9 months later, son #2. At this point things changed for us. I was no longer "Fertile Myrtle" as my friends had been calling me. We wanted more kids, but it took quite a while and a lot of trying to create son #3. Wow, it was worth it, though! He is really something! Son numbers 2 and 3 are 2 1/2 years apart, and after having 1 and 2 sixteen months apart, that seemed really long. I had no idea.

So there we were with 3 beautiful little blonde-haired, blue-eyed boys, and my heart cried out for more. My husband and I pretty much as a rule do not prevent pregnancy and are open to however many God would like to give us. Well, during these growing years, God knew we weren't ready for another one yet. Finally, when son #3 was 4 years old, we were blessed with son #4.

(As a little aside, I must note that whenever I had my ultrasounds and found out what the new baby was, I have openly wept every time we saw another little "private part" sticking up for the world to see! Not that I would trade any of them for a whole room full of girls, but it is always just a tad disappointing to know I will still be alone in my little pink world.)

So, as I noted in my last post, my baby isn't a baby any longer. About a week ago, things started feeling a little green and nauseous around here. I started dozing off in movie theaters. I couldn't eat my daily scrambled eggs any more because they made me want to hurl! I was suspicious! 2 days ago, I decided to go ahead and spend the money on a test just to be sure. I was definitely late and all, but that isn't unusual for me. However, the nausea usually doesn't lie. So there I went off to Meijer, bought the cheapest test I could find, and brought it home.

The test said to give about 2 or 3 minutes for results. I waited, praying it would be definitive. About 3 seconds into the test, the telltale plus sign showed up. My response, to go completely numb. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad, I was numb. There is a person inside of me. Wow. A tiny person, no doubt, but a person nonetheless.

No matter how many of these little critters I am blessed with, I will never lose the wonder of what God has entrusted me with. For the next 9 months, this little one will be on my mind every time I take a bite of food, choose to stay up watching the Olympics when I should be sleeping, every time I have a headache and decide whether or not to take something. My body is now someone else's home, and what I do to me, I do to that person a well. This is an awesome responsibility.

And, in 9 months, I will again have the opportunity to give birth. I am one of the strange people who actually looks forward to this. I am afraid when I think about it, because I know it hurts like nothing else I have ever done, but it is the most amazing process God has ever given me the honor of going through, and even with the pain, I look forward to doing it again.

Today, though, I battle fear. I fear losing the baby. That is it. Again, I am in school learning how to trust God with my most treasured possessions. And this time I am praying that I will come out of this with a victory over my fear. I know He is worth trusting, no matter how this pregnancy ends.

On a lighter note, son #3 keeps calling me thing like "pregnant lady" and hugging my belly. He has no less than 5 times already reminded me that I "already look pregnant", and that my belly is already sticking out. God bless the little buggers, they are honest, aren't they? Wait, why did I want more???