What can I say about these boys? They are precious, they are my life. Today, they are driving me nuts!!! Why, you ask? For no good reason other than my husband's work schedule. This doesn't make sense at all, so if you are confused, you should be.
Last night, I looked at our calendar and saw my husband is working two days in a row from 9 am to 9 pm. He is working this hard so that we can meet our bills, with some extra to buy our curriculum for the coming school year. He is doing exactly what he should do, and I am so grateful to him.
So, where does the problem lie? It lies in my heart, that's where. I am looking down the road two days, imagining how lonely I am going to be, how hard it will be having him gone for 14 hours a day (with commute). I am looking so far down the road that I am forgetting some very important things. I am forgetting that God will give me the grace to deal with every long, lonely hour I spend without my husband. I just have to take those hours one at a time. When I look at the entire two days, I feel afraid of the loneliness I am going to endure.
It may valid to ask, why is it so lonely when I am surrounded by people? This morning, my 5 year old was being crazy, nonsensical, and well, 5, and I looked at Jeff and said, "This is why I am lonely." I have been sent to live in 9 and under land where all the inhabitants are male, they are all little, and their main concern in life is how to get enough Legos to build the coolest monster ever. While I love the inhabitants of this world with all of my heart, let's just say that I don't get real interpersonal satisfaction out of building with Legos and talking about what super hero they are today. I get lots of laughs from it, but not a whole lot of edification or quality conversation.
Referring back to a previous post, this is all part of the deal. This is what I signed on for. All of these things are true. And yet, equally true is that this is tough to deal with right now. In a few weeks, I will, hopefully if the husband can get his work schedule rearranged, be heading off to a lake with a group of ladies who are also in need of some quality adult girl time, and I will spend about 36 hours soaking up as much estrogen from them as I can. Talking about feelings. Praying. Sleeping. Just being quiet. I am trying not to count the minutes.
I know that I need this girl time, but in the meantime, I have to be content where I am. This is what I am praying through. Contentment while existing in the home of my wild men. I need to look at the picture above about 200 times a day for some perspective. In it, these wild men are quiet, handsome and sweet. They don't need anything, they just smile. They aren't crying or argueing, or just being boys, they are just sitting and smiling. AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
You know, they might just REALLY be worth all of this after all.
Last night, I looked at our calendar and saw my husband is working two days in a row from 9 am to 9 pm. He is working this hard so that we can meet our bills, with some extra to buy our curriculum for the coming school year. He is doing exactly what he should do, and I am so grateful to him.
So, where does the problem lie? It lies in my heart, that's where. I am looking down the road two days, imagining how lonely I am going to be, how hard it will be having him gone for 14 hours a day (with commute). I am looking so far down the road that I am forgetting some very important things. I am forgetting that God will give me the grace to deal with every long, lonely hour I spend without my husband. I just have to take those hours one at a time. When I look at the entire two days, I feel afraid of the loneliness I am going to endure.
It may valid to ask, why is it so lonely when I am surrounded by people? This morning, my 5 year old was being crazy, nonsensical, and well, 5, and I looked at Jeff and said, "This is why I am lonely." I have been sent to live in 9 and under land where all the inhabitants are male, they are all little, and their main concern in life is how to get enough Legos to build the coolest monster ever. While I love the inhabitants of this world with all of my heart, let's just say that I don't get real interpersonal satisfaction out of building with Legos and talking about what super hero they are today. I get lots of laughs from it, but not a whole lot of edification or quality conversation.
Referring back to a previous post, this is all part of the deal. This is what I signed on for. All of these things are true. And yet, equally true is that this is tough to deal with right now. In a few weeks, I will, hopefully if the husband can get his work schedule rearranged, be heading off to a lake with a group of ladies who are also in need of some quality adult girl time, and I will spend about 36 hours soaking up as much estrogen from them as I can. Talking about feelings. Praying. Sleeping. Just being quiet. I am trying not to count the minutes.
I know that I need this girl time, but in the meantime, I have to be content where I am. This is what I am praying through. Contentment while existing in the home of my wild men. I need to look at the picture above about 200 times a day for some perspective. In it, these wild men are quiet, handsome and sweet. They don't need anything, they just smile. They aren't crying or argueing, or just being boys, they are just sitting and smiling. AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
You know, they might just REALLY be worth all of this after all.
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4 comments:
I hope the blogging helps a bit. It is soooo from your heart. It is filled with love and estrogen. Even though not an inhabitant of your land - I get it and even more I admire you for saying it out loud (or out LCD as it were). Venting helps maintain sanity - so does being heard.
love you,
the gg of those 4 testosterone bundles!
I am trying to think of every day with the girls as an adventure. First thing, lets get the things done we need to, dishes, making beds, laundry in, laundry out, maybe laundry folded and put away but most likely not. THEN we do something "memory making." We did the chores this morning, actually they didn't get done until around noon or so. Then I took them to a matinee (although memory making doesn't require spending money but sometimes it is fun to spend a little) and to Wal-Mart to get groceries (a chore but an adventure nonetheless), and now we are getting ready to make homemade pizza. Dinner will be getting made but the kids will see it as an adventure, hands in the sauce, spreading pepperoni, etc. We are going to end the night with snuggling on the couch watching Wipeout and laughing so hard as people fall on their faces (one of our favorite pasttimes I am ashamed to say). I can relate to the hubby being gone since Gary is at camp with Taylor for the whole week but we are going to make it an adventure back at base camp. I know your four boys and every day with them can be an adventure and they will always remember how awesome you were and the memories you created for them. One end note. I am really jealous of the out of town time with the girls. Sounds awesome. Luv Ya!!!
Look boys sitting in front of a mill. Hmmmmmm
All I can say is that your dad is a lucky man to have such daughters, even if one of them is on testosterone overload and is becoming him.
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