Perfectionism

I'll admit it. I am somewhat of a perfectionist. Not so that you would be able to see if you came to my home, mind you! I do not have an obsessively neat house, or laundry always done. I do not have the perfect meals on the table at just the right time, and I do not always look my best. So, outwardly, I don't look like much of a perfectionist.

The problem is, I long for all of the above mentioned things. I want the perfect home, the perfect cuisine, the perfect laundry room. I want to always be perfectly groomed and thin and beautiful. I want to be perfectly patient, perfectly loving, perfectly diligent and perfectly committed to Christ. I want all of these things passionately, and I am discontented in my spirit most of the time because of it.

Unfortunately, I cannot be perfect. I can try to do my best, and I can strive to get as close as I can to it, but I will never obtain perfection. Thankfully, I am not required to be perfect. I am just required to not quit, to keep trying, and be always mindful that I have a Savior who covers my imperfections, while giving me the power to go on trying.

I see myself in my little son, Joseph. 5 years old, and he is already ready to quit anything that is even a little bit hard. If he can't do it right the first or second time, he quits. This is really frustrating to me as his mom and as his teacher. So, today he and I came up with a really great guideline for him to follow. We decided that if, after having tried 6 million times, he still can't do it, then I will gladly believe him when he says he can't. (Hyperbole goes over big for a 5 year old. Obviously we aren't going to adhere to the 6 million rule "perfectly".)

I realized moments later that I really need to take my own advice. I can tend to just emotionally shut down every day when I see how imperfect my life really is. I immediately tell myself I can't do it all, and I let my imperfections pile up around me in the form of dirty floors, and piles of laundry. I have convinced myself that I can't do it, because it is too hard, and it is just too imperfect to be cured.

So, today I am going to imperfectly wash clothes, clean my house, work at my at-home job, snuggle my 4 boys, and serve my Savior. If things don't go just right, well, I have 5, 999, 999 more times to try to get it right. I should be able to pull off at least half-perfect by then!!!!!